Running 4.5 miles has never been so entertaining

Recently I have taking up running as a hobby. Yes, this is the same Anton that used to dread “The Mile” day in grade school. In 6th grade I actually fainted after completing the mile. I don’t know if it was because I was completely exhausted or if I was overwhelmed with excitement because I finished seconds before the obese kid.

As I pulled into the parking lot of Lifetime in Plymouth I decided to set my goal at 4 miles. I stepped on to my favorite treadmill and began my 3 minute warm up. About midway through my first mile I noticed some wild arm movements a few treadmills ahead of me. First thing that came to my mind is “I need to be filming this” but I am pretty sure they don’t allow cameras of any kind in the gym and I don’t want to be pegged as Mr. Creepy, so I will do my best to describe what I saw. Let the show begin!

Working out(?) a few treadmills in front of me was a lady in her late 30’s maybe early 40’s. She wore tight spandex pants, a gray cutoff T-shirt and some sort of weight belt thing to cover most of her midsection. Even crazier than what she was wearing was how she was moving on the treadmill. I quickly noticed her frantic leg movements that were somewhere between a roller disco routine and a pro athlete running an agility course. From time to time the upper body would want to get into the mix moving her arms in some sort of choreographed cheerleader routine.

Before I knew it I was just over 2.5 miles into my run. My mind was completely distracted from how my body felt, 4 miles is going to be easy, and then it happened…In between the unconjoined leg and the arm movements the lower and upper body decided to work together. This move was straight out of “West Side Story” when the Jet’s and the Sharks are walking towards each other in the alleyway before the big fight. Her back was hunched over, arms at her side, fingers snapping to the beat while her legs took long cool strides. I was like “oh, no she didn’t.” About 5% of me was amazed at the energy and balance this lady had but the other 95% was just hoping to see one of the most horrific treadmill disasters in history.

Disappointment struck when she started her cool down which consisted of a normal one foot in front of the other walk. The show was over. I looked down at my digital display and noticed I have now ran for 4.1 miles! I decided to stretch out my run to my new personal best 4.5 miles.

I would like to thank you Ol’ Crazy Legs whoever you are for helping me become a better runner. I wish my old gym teachers could see me now.